The Art of Getting What You Want

          |"I don't know what I want to be when I grow up"

I used to hear this voice from my head. I used to say it all the time.

I live my life having no clue about what I want.

I just follow what my family told me because that's what's expected of me.

That's a pretty lousy way to live a life and I'd like to point out that I don't want to live that life anymore.

The compulsion to do what peoples tell me makes me constantly keep pushing the edges.

It makes me change my life in one way or another, which often makes me unhappy.

I keep promising myself that really soon, I’m going to get this done.

And now I wish I could just settle down.

There's a hope to get through the path of getting what I want, most of which involve overcoming my fear.

And because of that, I tend to set up a lot of obstacles for myself.

Imagining what could go wrong or inventing reasons that I'm incapable of accomplishing that goal.

Sometimes forgetting that the path to success may be simpler than I imagine.

Maybe I should change the way I respond to others expectation of me.

I hate to obey everything they told me to.

I hate that I have to be someone that I don't want myself to be.

And in fact, I often don't do those things I know I want to.

I know I can't pinpoint exactly what I want if I'm constantly sacrificing my time and dreams for others.

Maybe I have to put myself first because if I don't, then no one else will.

And this question popped up in my head.

          |Is it okay to put myself first?

      |Isn't it too selfish?

I shouldn't feel bad for being selfish.

This is my life and it's okay to live it exactly the way I want to.

Maybe I should just take one step to do what I want.

But I constantly regret the things I did.

I even regret the things I didn't do.

Why is it so hard for me to figure out what I need to do?

Maybe I've chosen the wrong way.

Maybe it would be better if I just follow my will.

Maybe I'll be happier.

There's no waste living a happy life.

But am I happy with my life?

I have no idea.

I always keep my goals and desires to myself.

I couldn't voice it all out because I know they won't support me.

Right now, I just need to believe that sometimes mother does know best.

I understand that my life doesn't always go how I want it.

I need to take control of myself, trying to roll with the changes.

      |I know I'll get there someday.

Maybe this positive attitude is all I need to keep going. :)