Here I am, saying goodbye to the possibilities of us.

 

‘The hardest thing I have ever done is walk away still madly in love with you’

-unknown

 

Hi, you.

This is my goodbye, to our good memories and our bad, to our inside jokes and the ones we never quite got, and to all the what ifs we had and all the plans we made.

The hardest part of it all is knowing that you still roam the earth loving people who aren’t me, who could’ve been me, or maybe, in a different reality, we’re still together, loving each other in a way that’s not toxic.

I know I’ve been hard on you lately, mostly when we had just broke up. I be talking like ‘fuck you’ and ‘I hate you’, or ‘I’m glad we broke it up’ but at night be up in my bed, looking at our picture, thinking ‘damn, I miss you, I miss us’.

But trust me, I did love you. More than I loved myself.

When we ended, I was grieving in silence, couldn’t tell anyone because they felt I should be through. The heartache I felt is so hard to take and every day, I forced myself to smile and pretend.

They said, when we lose someone we love, we must learn not to live without them, but to live with the love they left behind. I tried, and I still am trying to live with everything you left me behind.

Yesterday I saw you, an update of what’s going on inside your beautiful life, in an Instagram story you updated. You still look so handsome, manly and cute at the same time. You always have that kind of vibe, and I used to love it so much. You look so happy, and that’s the most important part, you are happy, and you should be. I am happy that you are.

But it left me with this overwhelming emotion that I couldn’t explain. Maybe, just maybe, I still miss the old us, but you and I have our own lives now, and I have to accept that. Me, and you, not being us. We both have someone else to love.

And here we are, on our part ways as a couple, to really let go of everything we had; the love, the pain, the argue, the jokes, the happiness, and left it behind in the past.

So here I am, saying goodbye to the possibilities of us. I hope you’re always happy. You will always have a place in my heart.

 

 

Love,

J