Toxic Love

 

I gave you everything and it still wasn’t enough.

It was never enough.

He made me feel like I was nothing.

He made me believe that the real me was difficult to love,

and like a fool I kept trying,

I kept trying to change myself till it became too much.

I got in so deep that I lost who I was.

I knew it was toxic.

I knew it wasn’t right.

But no matter how bad things got,

I couldn’t help but try.

I told myself it would be different this time.

I just couldn’t give up.

Constantly battling over whether this is love or obsession?

Cause if it’s love then why was it so messed up?

I would treat myself like nothing.

Yet to him,

I gave so much.

And then he goes and break my heart.

Again, and again.

And like a fool I’d wait.

Wait for the day he’d make another mistake.

A part of me wants to speak up,

but I hesitate.

It’s like he's controlling me.

He has infected my brain.

How do I escape when he has become part of my DNA?

Even when he's gone,

I’m still the one left with all the pain.

I choose to believe him when he says he didn’t want to hurt me.

All he ever did was just to make me happy.

I’m not expecting you to understand.

Go ahead, and judge me.

But if I lose him, I’ll have nobody.

Do you get that?

Who wants to live a life where they’re alone and empty?

I need him just as much as he needs me.

In some sick twist of fate,

He completes me.

That’s why it works.

We just keep going till one of us inevitably gets hurt.

So yeah,

I choose to stay.

Go ahead and call me weak.

I’m not expecting you to understand,

Just know that leaving someone is not that easy.

He’s gotten into my mind and without him I’m paralyzed.

To the point where I force myself to believe him all the time.

Even though I know it’s all lies.

Every waking moment I cry, I’ve gotten used to it.

It doesn’t hurt so much anymore.

I’ve become numb to it.

I’ve become sore.

And in some sick twisted way,

He’s my only cure.

What can I say?

I’m incredibly flawed.

Love isn’t like what you see on TV, this is what it’s like. This is my reality. It’s not as magical as they portray it in a Disney movie. It’s a lot of pain and sacrifice. You just keep pushing until you bleed.